


The Part That's Holding On

by MarkimooPhanofBossness



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Reincarnation, Shadowhunter and Downworlder controversy, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 05:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7254445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarkimooPhanofBossness/pseuds/MarkimooPhanofBossness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes a life and it's story continues on even after death; usually in the memories and hearts of the ones that love them but for Alec and Magnus it is not as simple as that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Part That's Holding On

Throughout all of the years he had always dreaded this moment in time. Through all the happiness they had experienced together and the hardships they had supported one another through, this was going to be the hardest. Everyone did not even expect them to get this far; get to the point where death was the thing to separate them. The cracking of bones, the greying of hair and the soft skin that adored his face becoming ragged and wearied were the finalising signs of what was to come but no matter what, Magnus loved him and through the dark nights Magnus would hold his ageing lover as he cried in fear of what was to come.

In the past days Alec had begun to get sick. He found it hard to stay conscious for long periods of time though every moment he was, Magnus was always there sitting beside him humming a soft tone into his ears. There were no longer any possibilities of ignoring the inevitable since Alec’s health had rapidly declined; they all knew it was just a matter of days or even potentially hours.

“Remember when we got married and then adopted Rafael then Max. Not to mention the body you used to have; you my dear will always be my sexy Shadowhunter, no matter how many centuries I out live you,” Magnus smiled, looking down on the familiar face of his husband.

Alec was laid down on the bed which had long ago become theirs, the red silk sheets wrapped around his fragile body as Magnus was pressed up against him with his arms wrapped underneath Alec, levitating him into his arm.  
  
“Thank you for the life we’ve shared, Magnus. You really were the right choice,” Alec returned Magnus’ smile though his was strained. Alec raised his arm stiffly and lightly grasped the side of his lovers unchanged face; everything about him was untouched by the years they had lived together, with his black hair fluffed up and black outlining his enchanting eyes, he was like a ghost of their past; beautiful and memorable.

“You have gotten so sentimental in your years, Alexander. Where’s the angsty and broody young man I married, hm?” Magnus asked and chuckled half-heartedly.  
  
“He grew older, and a certain good looking Warlock brought the best out of him,” Alec dropped his arm so it laid back down at his side and closed his eyes solemnly though continued to smile.

“Do not close your beautiful eyes, love. I want to look into them for as long as I can and you need to take in my gorgeous face one last time before you leave me,” Magnus whispered lovingly.

Alec hummed lightly in agreement as his eye lids slipped open again. He took a raspy breath of air before coughing heavily. His eyes looked up to stare into his Husband's. He saw as a flicker of grief formed within his golden brown eyes; it was subtle but Alec could recognise it, after spending the majority of your life with someone it was simply second nature to notice the smaller and minute things about the other; which others would have missed.

Magnus tried his best; he had promised himself he would not be saddened or mourn Alec until he was actually gone but he was struggling. It was hard to watch as the life slowly ebbed out of the man he loved, watch as he spluttered and gasped in pain. Magnus had already pooled the majority of his magic into Alec; like morphine, so to keep the worst of the pain away. He had promised Alec that no matter what he would make his death as painless as he could.

“Max, Rafael,” Alec choked out, looking over to the doorway where their Son’s stood; they were cautiously watching the scene between their Father’s.  
The two had grown a lot in the years that had passed since they had been adopted. Rafael was now in his early sixties, the same for Max though being a Warlock like Magnus; he did not look a day over twenty.

“Yeah Dad, we are here,” Max smiled half-heartedly and gave a small wave. Rafael nodded in agreement as he lent against the archway, he crossed his arms over his chest which was a habit he had picked up from Alec; and he closed his eyes with a sigh.

“Please make sure Max and Rafael keep safe, Magnus,” Alec muttered as he turned his attention back to the man holding him.

It had gotten to the point where words were a struggle to get out, his throat was dry and constricted and moving his jaw the smallest amount sent aches down his spine, tiring him out. His eyelids kept drooping; for his body was in the process of shutting down so all it wanted to do was sleep.

“Of course, love.”

“Thank you. Magnus promise me one thing, promise you’ll live the next few centuries of your life enough for the two of us. Don’t you dare end up dying anytime soon,” Alec said as his eyes fluttered closed and open again but his eyes had grown too heavy in the passing moments.

“You have my word,” Magnus replied, as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss to Alec’s forehead.

“I love you,” Alec whispered as consciousness slipped away from him and he exhaled the last bit of air left in his lungs. Magnus pressed his hand to the side of his Husband’s neck; there was nothing but a flutter of a heartbeat which was slowing down rapidly.

“Goodbye, Alexander.” Magnus spoke softly. Tears rolled down his face as he moved his head to lean into the crook of Alec’s neck.

Max and Rafael stepped further into the room and made their way towards Magnus and Alec. Max placed his hand on Magnus’ back in a comforting manner as Rafael went and sat on the other side of the bed and took Alec’s hand into his own; all the warmth which used to reside there was gone.

“Papa, it’s going to be alright,” Max spoke as Magnus’ tear stained face came up to look at him.

“I know, I just need some time alone,” Magnus smiled sadly.

“Okay. Let’s leave Papa alone, Rafael,” Max replied calmly and stepped away from his Father and walked over to be at his Brothers side. Rafael stared up at Max; his dark eyes welled with unshed tears as he stood slowly to stand level with Max. He hesitantly let go of Alec’s limp arm, letting it fall silently back at his side.

Max wrapped an arm around his elderly Brother and supported most of his weight as he lead him out of the room, leaving their Father to mourn the loss of his Husband; The Shadowhunter whom he opened his heart to, the Shadowhunter whom he created a life and family with…his Shadowhunter.

* * *

 

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood…Bane, was a protector, it was always his sole purpose; it was what he sought out to do. When Max; his Brother was killed Alec would have gladly exchanged his life for Max’s if he had gotten the proposition to do so. Alec was everything he needed to be as a Shadowhunter, he was a strong leader with a resilient loyalty towards the institute and Clave though in the end the most important thing is that he was ours; My Husband, Rafael and Max’s Dad, Isabelle and Jace’s Brother, and so on. I felt for…no, I feel for Alexander in a way I could never again feel for anyone else; nor have I ever felt towards any of my former lovers, he is simply irreplaceable. Alec was loved more than he could have ever known and he held an undeniable light within him though at times it did not seem like it. It was for the fact that every act he made, he made it for someone else’s benefit, such selflessness, a rare and beautiful quality. I promised myself that I would always defend his every breath, word, memory and dream for as long as we were together but sadly this was not something I could protect him from and now there will constantly be a missing piece in my elongated life without Alexander’s presence beside me and no matter how many times the seasons change and time goes by; Alexander will always be the true love of my life, Ave Atque Vale Alexander Lightwood.”

Magnus was stood up on the top step of the ceremony hall in the institute; he had just finished his speech as he looked out towards the crowd. Isabelle was seated in a wheel chair with her two sons sitting beside her. Max, Rafael, his Wife, Daughter and Grandchild were next to them. The row behind consisted of Jace and Clary’s children and Grandchildren, there was also Tessa and Catarina but everyone else were just friends of the family, people Magnus could not care less about.

Everything around him was duller, even the brightest of colours seemed monotone to Magnus’ eyes now that he was looking around. He could not stand them; there presence was offensive, like they were mocking him for the absence of vitality in his life now Alec was gone. He felt like the colours were derisive of who Alec was, a reminder of what was now lacking from his life.

Magnus exchanged a grief stricken smile with Isabelle before he exhaled sharply and turned away, and gave a saddening glance in the direction of the white casket which stood out in the open for everyone to see. He hesitated for a moment before making his way towards the casket; the casket was laid out in Shadowhunter tradition. The casket was open, revealing Alec’s body to the world one last time. His arms were crossed over his chest with a Seraph blade clutched in his right hand and placed over his heart representing the pride and honour of a Shadowhunter.

Magnus stopped short and placed his hand on the side of the white wood as he traced the lines of the Angelic rune carved into the wood with his fingers. He flicked his other hand in a familiar motion so sparks of magic conjured around his fingertips and with one last flick of his wrist in the opposite direction a bouquet of flowers appeared in his hand, the bouquet consisted of Forget-me-nots which symbolised true love and memories, and pink Carnations which symbolised ‘I will never forget you’.

Magnus looked down at the flowers for a second in thought and caressed his thumb and forefinger against one of the petals appreciatively. He hummed satisfactorily and reached out with the flowers, and placed them upon Alec’s stomach. Magnus’ eyes traced his form until they fell upon the sight of Alec’s face. His eyes were closed beneath a white silk cloth which was bounded around his head; his skin was tinted blue due to the lack of blood and warmth in his body from the death that had fully taken a hold of his body.

Magnus brushed away a stray strand of dark hair from Alec’s forehead and slid the palm of his hand down his smooth cold skin. He cupped the side of his face and stroked his thumb tenderly across his cheek as a brief solemn smile lingered on his lips. With his other hand he grasped one of Alec’s hands and brought it up to his face and pecked the skin lightly with his lips before he lowered it back down to its original position.

“Te amo, et in aeternum semper,” Magnus whispered, as if it was a secret only for his and Alec’s ears.

With one final glance Magnus stepped away from Alec’s casket and turned to go back to his seat but stopped as he felt a piercing gaze on him. There were a few murmurs from the crowd; a group of people in the back were making snide comments about Downworlders but most specifically Magnus and Alec’s relationship. A flicker of anger flared up within him and he felt the sharp edges of his nails bite into his palms as he unconsciously clenched his fists. He inhaled deeply to try and calm himself, but the deep seated depression that had claimed him of recent was making it harder to accomplish.

Max was at his side in an instance and he glared over at the suspected group of people. He wrapped his hand around Magnus’ upper arm comfortingly. His gaze was apologetic as he looked over at his Father.

“Papa”

“It’s nothing do not worry my Blueberry, simply meaningless slander” Magnus grit his teeth, trying to stop himself from lashing out with bitter and punitive words.

There were further murmurs making Magnus flinch in annoyance and Max growl quietly. Unbeknown to Magnus his eyes manifested into slits; revealing his real eyes to everyone. His hands itched to be opened and waved about so he could use his magic. Turning the offending people into tiny little bugs would be worth the consequences; Magnus had thought to himself for a second though his mind travelled back to Alec. He could not allow himself to do such a thing because he knew what Alec’s reaction would be. Whenever Magnus gave in to his terrible impulses Alec would always be very unimpressed and would ignore him for a few hours until Magnus came crawling back to him, being all apologetic and seductive.

Magnus sighed and removed Max’s hand from his arm. He held his head up high in defiance of everyone in the hall as he walked past them and added his own dramatic flair when he launched the doors open to allow himself out.

He had made a quick escape because he knew he needed to get away otherwise he would have done something he would have regret later. He already felt quite shitty; he did not need that on his shoulders, to feel like he had disappointed Alec even if he was no longer with him.

That evening he went home and curled up with his newest best friend; a black cat named Lord Sourpuss. Magnus had been very disheartened when Chairman Meow died, he even promised himself he would not get another Cat; at least not in this century.  
A lot of years passed but Magnus still missed him. Alec had gotten to the point where the saddening looks Magnus would give to the pillow the Cat used to curl up on were irritating so he bought him Lord Sourpuss; the name of the cat was in fact inspired by Alec. It was such a wonderful memory; he had a lot of them with Alec. 

**Author's Note:**

> *sobs* This was so sad!!! Alec is dead but do not fear it surely is not the end, I have so much more drama planned. 
> 
> Translations -   
> Ave Atque Vale - Hail and Farewell   
> Te amo, et in aeternum semper - I love you , always and for ever


End file.
